lumberjack

I started this post a week ago but haven't come back to writing it yet. 

Last weekend I had the most amazing date with the lumberjack. Seriously, I don't know why my friend calls him that, but we're going with it. Seriously AMAZING! And like a real date! I got dressed up (well, as dressed up as I get) and even put on jewelry.  I picked him up (because I got a brand new car that morning) and we went to dinner someplace we had talked about during one of our early encounters. It was simple and sweet. We held hands for a bit. It felt weird at first. 

Then we came back to my place. I don't remember if we watched anything but we probably just smoked and started fooling around. We brought the vape pen in the bedroom and had a good time, as per usual. I don't remember any specific really. Damn pot!

What I do remember is after the sex! I had mentioned the week before that I would like to cuddle, even though I'm normally not much of a cuddler. I believe it's because he's super tall and as a bigger woman, I very rarely get to be the little spoon. So he remembered and brought it up. We cuddled for at least 30 minutes, probably longer. We switched sides a few times but it was so great being held. I don't get enough hugs in my life and I loved this. We smoked and talked and it was wonderful! 

I both love and am frightened by the fact that I feel I can tell him anything. I can have a hard time communicating, especially in person. I'm better on paper, where I have time to carefully compose my thoughts. 

Oh yeah, I wrote him a letter last week. Nothing crazy, just stuff I'd told him before but wanted to say again. I've thought about writing another one, but I'm not even sure what I want to say. I'm confused...

I don't like the weepy version of a teenage girl I become. Just sitting around hoping he'll have time for me. That's not what I'm about. I need to pull my head out of my ass!!!

WBF

Wake and bake and fuck!!

That is how I started my Saturday morning!! Details later! 😉 He will be a regular visitor I believe.

TGI fuck day!

I still need to update about Wednesday nights guy, but I think I will wait until after I see him Monday.

Tonight I met a man I found to be SUPER attractive! But there were lots of awkward silences. I felt like he wasn't that into me. But we fucked and it was good sex. He's also a really good kisser.

I doubt I will hear from him again.

But, I have an 8am wake and bake and fuck in the morning. That should prove interesting.

Tuesdays date

I had a morning date scheduled for Tuesday and an evening one. New guy and a guy I've seen before a couple times. The new guy ended up ghosting me. The return guy ended up having to cancel.

So I was bummed but oh well. Then I'm on tinder and a guy offers to buy me dinner. SCORE! He has these amazing dreadlocks and is super cute. We had a pretty nice dinner, not much awkwardness. Then we went back to my place. We smoked and then fooled around. No sex though. We did a lot of oral but I kept gagging because he wanted to deep throat me and I'm no good at that. I did my best but eventually I told him I couldn't anymore.

Then he got weird, dressed and left. I was like, "we can have sex still," to which he replied he didn't have a condom. I told him I did because I'm a sexually active adult. But he left.

I texted him once the next day, not expecting to hear from him again. He called and was freaking out about my HSV1 like he'd just realized I had it. Not my fault you didn't read my profile! Lol And then he thought I was mad but I was just frustrated. I told him what I tell anyone who asks. I had 1 outbreak over 2.5 years ago and have never been told of passing it on. I can't guarantee anything, but the odds are super low. We left it at that.

Haven't heard from him since. I doubt I'll message him.

Next up, my Wednesday date!

Wow! When it rains it pours!

I am meeting ANOTHER new guy tonight! I hope it goes well!!

I haven't heard from feelings s guy in like a day and a half which is weird. We chat a lot usually. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!! I texted once yesterday and later today I will probably text once more. I don't want to be the obsessive, clingy girl. I'm trying to enjoy these new guys. Last night was AWESOME!!!

3am!!!

He just left. DANN he was fun!!!

Busy lady!!

I met a new guy yesterday and am meeting another one later tonight. Hopefully tomorrow I can find some time to write about them!

I'm a sexually active adult...

Of course I have condoms.

Well now...

I was very well fucked this weekend!!!!!

Today with my ex went well. You can't let him talk too much at once though because it all starts to sound like bullshit and I'm not interested in that! We can get high and have great sex. Period. End of story. He was here for almost 3 hours. That's about my limit. Lol

Some muscles in my thighs and butt are SORE in that really hot way. Every time I move and one aches, I smile remembering the good time I had using those muscles.

He's still really good looking! Kissing and sex we usually did really well. Tonight was no exception and honestly, probably some of the best we've had. Though I really don't remember specific times of sex after a few times.  I do remember some of the men I have really enjoyed fucking over the years.

It's going to be a busy week, socially and sexually (I think 🤞). I am trying to update at least a couple times a week. I'm not sure I'm ready to write about last night. He is something special and I'm realizing that he is just an awesome person that I want to have in my life. The amazing sex is really just a bonus. It's a new and different experience for me and I'm still working it all out in my head.

Maybe not the smartest idea but...

So an ex and I basically play sex roulette. One of us will occasionally hit the other up for sex. We flirt a little, fight because he owes me money, say it's a one time offer, then don't talk for weeks-months-years. Then we do it all over again. I think once in the last 10 years we hooked up. Tonight appears to be the second time. I hope he doesn't talk much, because that's usually how he ends up pissing me off. Lol The sex will most likely be good and the flirting for sure will be. Hopefully take the edge off the feelings for the other guy. And scratch an itch. I'm not up for meeting anyone new tonight!

I must go ready myself...😉😉😉

Ghosting

I don't understand the men that just disappear on me. I'd been talking with this guy for weeks. Does he really not have anything better to do with his time then talk about fucking me and then disappearing??? What a waste if time.

I need to do someone soon! Lol

Hmmm...

Had a guy coming over and then *poof* he vanishes. I do not understand men that do this! Why take it that far?!?

This sort of thing happens. The silver lining? I folded my laundry on the cleared off bed! And put it away.

Tomorrow is another day...

So here's the plan...

I need to find another lover as soon as possible! But not a crappy guy. I need someone to get my mind off the first guy. I'm not comfortable with how much I like him and think about him!!!

There may be a therapy visit in my future.

I'm REALLY horny right now but all the guys are eh.

So we meet again!

After 3 weeks I got to see him again! He seemed excited to see me and he missed me. That's nice to hear. We talked about some stuff and I'm getting okay with the feelings. I just enjoy being with him. He's a busy guy though so I am still looking for other partners. 

I feel like there's still a lot going on in my head but I can't really zero in on what I'm thinking. Makes total sense, right? Lol

Homeward bound

I've been out of town for over 2 weeks now. I am so excited to be headed home!!!! I had hoped to have sorted out some stuff regarding my feelings, but I didn't. I guess I just need to accept them for what they are. I'm excited to see him on Wednesday!!! I can't stop thinking about him!

That being said, I also do have a few other potential fucks for this week. I've had a couple guys I've been chatting with while out of town and they are lining up! 😁😉 My vagina is the place to be I guess! 🤣

I don't generally try to hook up on vacation anymore. I've tried on at least 4 separate occasions and it never works out. I'm generally just more comfortable at home where I can smoke weed. I'm too worried on vacation because I'm somewhere unfamiliar. Even if I'm in a hotel, it's just not the same as being home.

I won't go so far as to say I will never try again (plus I dislike absolutes like always and never) but it is unlikely.

Bondage

Sometimes I wonder if I just like bondage because it's an excuse to be a lazy and selfish lover??

I would like to to be more comfortable with being dominant.

Just some thoughts...

I'm super baked right now! First time in about 10 days I've smoked pot so I'm feeling GOOD!!! Also very thoughtful. Let's see what I can get out of my head before I fall asleep.

I'm totally smitten on this guy I met a few weeks ago. He's married and poly and I find him super attractive! Thinking about him makes me smile. I enjoy his company whether it's something in or out of bed. I look forward to chatting with him in between encounters (I need a better word). I have the feelings for him!!! More feelings than I've had for anyone in YEARS! Not fall in love with feelings but something else I'm trying to work through. I even felt comfortable enough to tell him that today! That's more communicating than I normally do. He is the exception to so many of my "rules."

This is so new to me. There may need to be a therapy visit soon to discuss the matter further.