lumberjack

I started this post a week ago but haven't come back to writing it yet. 

Last weekend I had the most amazing date with the lumberjack. Seriously, I don't know why my friend calls him that, but we're going with it. Seriously AMAZING! And like a real date! I got dressed up (well, as dressed up as I get) and even put on jewelry.  I picked him up (because I got a brand new car that morning) and we went to dinner someplace we had talked about during one of our early encounters. It was simple and sweet. We held hands for a bit. It felt weird at first. 

Then we came back to my place. I don't remember if we watched anything but we probably just smoked and started fooling around. We brought the vape pen in the bedroom and had a good time, as per usual. I don't remember any specific really. Damn pot!

What I do remember is after the sex! I had mentioned the week before that I would like to cuddle, even though I'm normally not much of a cuddler. I believe it's because he's super tall and as a bigger woman, I very rarely get to be the little spoon. So he remembered and brought it up. We cuddled for at least 30 minutes, probably longer. We switched sides a few times but it was so great being held. I don't get enough hugs in my life and I loved this. We smoked and talked and it was wonderful! 

I both love and am frightened by the fact that I feel I can tell him anything. I can have a hard time communicating, especially in person. I'm better on paper, where I have time to carefully compose my thoughts. 

Oh yeah, I wrote him a letter last week. Nothing crazy, just stuff I'd told him before but wanted to say again. I've thought about writing another one, but I'm not even sure what I want to say. I'm confused...

I don't like the weepy version of a teenage girl I become. Just sitting around hoping he'll have time for me. That's not what I'm about. I need to pull my head out of my ass!!!